Asse Sauga: Why We Don't Actually Know What We Want

Self-development coach Asse Sauga explains why people often confuse their genuine desires with avoidance-based behavioural patterns driven by fear. According to him, beneath what matters most-money, love, health, or security-lies a single common foundation: self-knowledge.

Self-development guide and coach Asse Sauga poses a simple yet unsettling question: what is the most important thing in the world? At first, money, love, inner peace, good relationships, health, or a sense of security might come to mind. All of these seem undeniably important, but according to Sauga, that is not yet a sufficient answer.

Fear Lies Behind Our Desires

Sauga's main thesis is that a person can be completely convinced they want something specific, when in reality they are trying to avoid fear, shame, or discomfort. This is what is known as avoidance motivation, and it operates behind our decisions and choices without us even realising it. For instance, a person might believe they work hard for the sake of success, when in fact what drives them is fear of failure.

Such a mechanism is inherent to human nature and does not mean something is wrong. The problem arises when a person begins to make life choices-about a partner, career, or lifestyle-based implicitly on this avoidance drive rather than on deeper, genuine values and dreams.

Self-Knowledge as Foundation

Sauga emphasises that beneath all the most important areas of life-relationships, health, and financial well-being-lies a common foundation: self-knowledge. Without it, it is difficult to know what we truly want, where we truly are heading, and why we make the choices we do.

This does not mean only knowing one's strengths. Far more important is noticing one's reactions, triggers, and which situations create anxiety, reluctance, or the urge to withdraw. It is there, at the edge of discomfort, that important information about ourselves is hidden. According to Sauga, this process is lifelong and never ends, though it does become progressively easier as habits form.