Opinion: Are men held to lower standards in Estonian social media?

Kärt Pormeister reflects on a journalist's inquiry about online hate directed at women, which unexpectedly turned into a story about women's own social media behaviour. She questions whether men and women are judged by different standards online.

A few weeks ago, Kärt Pormeister was contacted by a journalist researching hate speech directed at women on social media. The reporter wanted to know what kind of abuse Pormeister herself had received. What followed, however, surprised her: the resulting piece published in Eesti Ekspress focused not on the abuse women face, but on women's own conduct online.

The episode prompted Pormeister to ask a broader question, one that many women active in Estonian public discourse have encountered: are men permitted to behave in ways online that would be roundly condemned if a woman did the same? The examples she cites are stark. Among the messages she has received is the phrase «tavakodanik idoot 2 auguga lihakeha», a crude, dehumanising insult that strips her of any identity beyond her anatomy.

Pormeister argues that this double standard is not merely a matter of individual rudeness. When media coverage of online toxicity pivots from the perpetrators to scrutinising the victims' behaviour, it risks normalising abuse and shifting responsibility onto those who are targeted. She notes that the framing of the Eesti Ekspress article, however unintentionally, illustrates exactly the dynamic she is describing.

The column raises questions about editorial choices and the unspoken rules governing who gets to speak forcefully in public life without social penalty. In Estonia, as elsewhere, women in politics, journalism and academia regularly report a volume and intensity of personal abuse that their male peers rarely experience to the same degree.

Pormeister stops short of calling for new regulation, but her piece is a pointed reminder that the conversation about social media toxicity needs to start with an honest look at who is doing the abusing, and why that abuse so often targets women specifically.